Friday, November 17, 2006

Looking For Mr./Ms. Right?

Thanks to Stephanie Ng, a good friend of mine, I have some insights on how to be Ms./Mr. Right.

We tend to complain, "Oh, why is it soooooo hard to find Mr./Ms. Right?" But do we first ask ourselves, "Am I eligible myself?"

Hmmm... what does "eligible" really mean?

In the context of marriage, the online dictionary ( defines eligibility as "desirable and worthy of choice, especially for marriage: an eligible bachelor." The word worthy means "having worth, merit, or value; honourable; admirable." Getting into a marriage relationship is therefore not just about "the time is right", "I'm getting old" or "I found the person of my dreams". These are not good enough reasons... =/

We tend to look around for someone who will fit into our mold of who our spouse should be. We look for someone who can give into this relationship, rather than whom we can give to. He/she would need to serve OUR kind of desires for OUR kind fulfillment in life. This line of thinking is too "self-centered", contrary to an "other-centered relationship" in a healthy marriage. The scary part is that we will all discover that none of us could ever fulfill what our spouse expects of us and that is when we begin to hear phrases like "that's not the man/woman I married!" >.<

We go into a relationship looking for Mr./Ms. Right, forgetting that we need TO BE Ms./Mr. Right first. We look for eligibility in others, forgetting that we need to ask ourselves, "Are we, in the first place, desirable and worthy of choice?"

Occasionally, I hear ppl lamenting about the inability to find a potential mate. Some would go to another ocean to look for fish and a few would return and say, "Aiyoh, there is no eligible fish in that ocean too!"

Before we reason about why there are no eligible partners around, we should first ask the question: "Am I eligible myself?" It is not about whether we're smart, wealthy or good looking. It's about an inner beauty and strength that transcends all these; a beauty in character and inner life, a godliness and holiness that are inherent hallmarks, possessing a humble leadership over our own life that we become a fragrance of Christ that attracts.

Godly character takes years to build. If we invest in building godly characters and the love for God, there is no reason why we should worry about finding the right mate. When the inner character is in place, what flows out of our life is the fruit of the Holy Spirit:


Adam was deep in sleep when God brought Eve into his life. He did not strive to look for a partner. God knew the loneliness in Adam and God knew the special kind of lady that would complete Adam's life. There was a sense of restedness that Adam had.

When one becomes Ms./Mr. Right, she/he presents herself/himself as one maturing in Christ, trusting in God for her/his daily provision and fulfillment of her/his needs. The best gift one can give to each other at the wedding altar before God and witnesses, is a maturing woman/man who loves God deeply and is prepared to include God as a full partner in their marriage.

My cousin Aaron & his wife Joanna
(Btw, Aaron is the dude who designs all Youth Alive brochures, camp forms and T-shirts)

This maturing process does not end on the wedding day. It continues right through our marriage "until death do us part". So whether you are single, courting or married, are you Ms./Mr. Right?

My eldest bro Kenneth & his wife Li Li

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