My First Love

Remon Chang (June 16th 1985 - October 13th 2007)

He was a BMX Flatland freestyle rider. He took part in the X-Games.

His screen name was Quamen, his fav BMX bike brand.

He was very much into cars. I remember he usta drive a modified Putra with the Magicfruits sticker. He bought a Skyline a few years after we broke up.

Our mutual acquaintances are Bernard Lim, Joshua Chu, Carlson Thoo, Jason Voon, Simon So, Malique Ibrahim, Johan Ishak and Azlan Yeng.

He usta call me "sweetheart" and I called him "darling".

I never called anyone else that until today.

Perhaps nothing is ever quite as painful as getting over your first love. Remon Chang was the guy who taught me what it meant to fall in love. He and I once thought we'd spend the rest of our lives together. We had loads of jokes and memories of the time we spent together. It took me years to move on completely.

I never spoke to him after we broke up. It was just too painful. Eventually, I managed to forgive him for all the pain he caused me.

Remon and I were 17 years old when we first met. He usta send me lotsa sweet e-mails and SMSes all of which I'm still keeping cuz I wrote them all down in a book. We usta talk on the phone so much that our phone bills were phenomenal... =P He would even call me when I went on family vacations and I would hide in the hotel bathroom to chat with him for hours.

He was a sweet boyfriend and we shared a lotta love songs together. We would sing those songs together over the phone... in his car... and he influenced me to favor hip-hop, rap and R&B music, too. He also taught me the hip-hop slang... ;) He was the one who introduced me to the Too Phat guys, Malique and Johan (aka Joe), my then idols. Remon's bro, Remus was Joe's skoolmate.

It has been a week since Remon passed away.

And I'm left with the memories.

Dearest Remon,

There are too many memories... too many precious moments and wonderful times to ever try to forget... and I just want you to know that I'll always remember for the rest of my days... how you helped me find happiness and how you opened some beautiful doors.

I wish that people were like chalkboards, and that we could wipe our memories clean, but we're not and we can't. Yet, despite the anger that I felt, we were happy once, and I remember those times. I remember how we smiled and laughed, and how you held my heart in your hand. I remember the tears and the fights and how I took my heart back, bruised and wilted. But still, somehow, I miss you and I just want you to know that I'll never forget how good it was to share a part of my life with yours.

I'm sorry I wasn't able to see you for the last time.

I'm sorry I wasn't able to attend your funeral.

No matter where your road may lead, I'll always remember you... for you'll always be a part of me. You touched more than my heart, you reached my soul, you saw me for who I was and it was me you got to know. For a while, you gave me life, you made me happy and I'll always remember you.

All the things I find precious, special and unique... have found their way into a treasure box where the memory and value will keep. But you, Remon, as special as you'll always be, are kept inside a much more loving place: deep inside my heart. My heart holds many treasures... those with faces and with names... where love for those close to me will forever be sustained.

I'm thankful for you today and always.

Rest in peace, darling.

I'll always love you.