Rogers and I are not back together. He doesn't love me anymore. Yep, that's what he told me. I never thought it was possible. If we had been fighting for a long time about the same issues over and over again, then YES... he would lose feelings for me eventually. He would be so tired of me... tired of fighting... but it has only been 5 months, yo. It's the shortest relationship I've ever had with a guy. But I've never loved anyone else as much as I love Rogers... that's why it hurts real bad this time.
He said he would love me forever and always. He said he loved me more than anyone else in the world. He said he would never leave me. He said he couldn't live without me. He said he would never hurt me like Remon and Eric did. He said he was lucky to have me. He said he would spend the rest of his life with me.
HE SAID this... HE SAID that...
Talk about empty promises.
After what Rogers did to me, I realized that you can never claim that you truly KNOW someone cuz ppl can change so drastically overnight. They are absolutely capable of becoming ppl we dunno anymore. It's really scary. I usta have a hard time trusting ppl... especially MEN... but Rogers changed all that. He made me wanna be someone better and he made me trust ppl more... and I trusted him. Trust is built over time, okie. I didn't trust him 100% in the beginning but then I began to trust him more and more... slowly but surely.
But once again, Rogers has proven that all guys are the same. They're sweet to you when they want something from you... when they feel that they need you in their lives... but when they dun feel like being in a relationship anymore, they just leave... instead of solving the problems!
Despite everything I just said, I still love him with all my heart and soul. I can never hate him. He's someone who had changed my life for the better. I still defend him everytime someone says something bad about him.
Why don't I despise him, you wonder?
BECAUSE I KNOW HIM.
I KNOW he's not a heartless person. I accepted him for who he was... his flaws included. But he constantly used MY flaws as reasons to break up with me. Obviously he has flaws too but I forgave him everytime he screwed up. Why didn't he accept me for who I was? Why did he leave me just like that? How could he just say, "I've lost feelings for you. I think you're demanding. Maybe we're just not meant to be." Hello... demanding??? I only wanted him to be more expressive! Mavis expects a lot from Calvin too but Calvin is still with her. Why? That's because they're willing to give and take. They compromise. Nobody gives up a relationship after only a few months. Only cowards do that, seriously.
I've said and done everything I could to make him see how important he is to me. But he's so determined to leave me. I've never been this depressed in my 21 years of life. The happiest days of my entire life were the days I spent with him. He's my reason for happiness. Now that he's gone, I'm no longer the happy girl that I usta be. I miss being with him. I miss spending quality time with him. I miss going to the hill with him. I miss everything about him.
I literally stopped being happy the day he said he didn't love me anymore. Please believe me when I say that I've been trying my best to move on. I hang out with my closest friends... do stuff I like... read books... talk to ppl... plan for my future... I did them all. But there's NOTHING in this world that can ever fill this void in my heart where Rogers usta be.
I never thought I would say this... but I can't live without him. I just can't. I DUN WANNA live without him cuz my life has become meaningless ever since he left me.
I haven't been sleeping well. I look damn haggard. I'm a friggin' ciggy hoe because of him. Nothing to be proud of, I know. But when ppl are depressed, they do stuff they dun usually do. I've lost touch with myself. I dun even know who I am anymore. A part of me died the day he stopped loving me.