Tuesday, August 29, 2006

*Serenity Prayer*

The last comment I received from love you both for my previous post was this:

actually it is very obvious everyone is feeling hurt right now. why not pray for healing for everyone instead? i am sure there is no hate, but defensive mechanism that both parties are displaying. i still think there is love, but that it is not allowed to surface because of too hurt.i wish you a good life and i believe you both can be good friends again. but there must be healing first. it's just a step away.


Your comment made me think a lot... so thank you... =)

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."


love you both said...

i didn't expect that! i wish both of you peace, and love! let the healing begin. i think the rest of us who pops in here could add to this chain of healing. all of us needs healing. it so happens that both you and rogers' lives are laid out for all to see because of this recent episode. no one is to be blamed. i love you both, as fellow brothers and sisters in God's mysterious tapestry. remember, when you are hurting, another member is also hurting. so i hurt too. let the healing begin. for everyone!
love, xxx

adrian said...

"wow... you da man, adrian... you da man... ;P not everyone would apologize for their wrong choice of words... i admire you for that... =)"

heh dont make me blush ler... i shy~

yeah be good friends lah. its hard to meet somebody been together for sometime, although both of you have some hiccups, doesnt mean u cant be friends for good. who knows? maybe later according to feng shui, ur child might suitable to be his god child! heh!

i believe god sends somebody to meet us, giving that its a long term relationship, or just a glimp, for a reason. (i dont believe in god, but believe in a superior-self)

MengZ said...

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."

I love this phrase!!
how u come out with it?


miyoko said...

hey mich,
i come accross your page from kenny sia's. i'm glad that you are fine and still being strong after all the ordeal that you've been through.

i believe, your trauma from the cab incident will take some time before it fades. take things slowly. i do not know how to help you to overcome the trauma, but i know time will definitely makes you feel better and i wish you good luck.

however, as for your ordeal with Rogers, i have some experiences and opinions to share. i believe in sharing of experience and learning together.

well, i understand that it's very hurtful that Rogers leave you in such a way. i've been left by my ex-bf too in such a sudden and with a crappy reason which is "i lost my feeling and i dont love you anymore". i too was very devastated and hurt like you. i basically did all the things that you did. try to talk things over with him, cried, persuade him to give another chance for both of us and etc. his reaction was like Rogers. saying that he might think about it but were just empty promises in the end.

i was like you, my feeling towards him turned from love to anger+love to hatred.i started channeling and expressing my feeling to my friends and his friends who are also my friends. we are in the same circle of friends. i started saying how immature he is, how such a coward he is, how such a loser he is, he dont deserve me and things like that. true, expressing my feelings do make me feel better. but only at that point of time. after sometime, the pain and the pain still comes back and haunt me.

anyway, fast forward a bit. i soon realize that hating him and being angry of him will not do me any good in the route to recovery. after a few months (3-5 months) of hating him, i come to realize that hating and being angry with him is just a way to torture myself emotionally and also is just a way to remind myself of him. then i slowly learn to FORGIVE. I forgive him for what he has done, for everyone does mistake. then i feel the burden is lighter and we start talking with each other. the icy cold barrier between us is no longer there.

after learning to forgive him, i start to realize that when break up happens, there is always not only one party's fault. so, i start to re-evaluate myself and improve my weaknesses and i'm proud to say that i'm a better me. and i'm glad to say that me and my ex-bf is still being good friends. when i hated him, i couldnt understand how could a person who love me and adores me so much could suddenly lost his feeling to me. however, after i learn to forgive, i slowly come to realize that he still adores even after we've split, but it's in another way. in that way, we remain as good friends.

gladly to say, after i learn to forgive and to let off the burden from myself and improving myself, i could think of all the memories that i had with my ex-bf and still smile and feel sweet thinking of it. i used to cry or even shed tears when i think of it. that was when i still hate him and angry of him and putting all the blame on him. however, now, i can see back all the gift that he has given me and glance through all our photos and still smile and feel sweet. i believe, this is what we call as sweet memories. i'm sure you wouldnt want the sweet memories you had with Rogers turned into a bitter one.

having said that, acceptance is the crutial key to forgiveness. with acceptance, we then realize that everyone do make mistake and everyone learn from mistake. give Rogers a chance to learn and you learn and improve from this ordeal too. try no to expect anything from Rogers, because you guys have indeed broke up. why i say so? because when there is expectation, the is also disappoinment and hurt.

anyway, i'm just sharing my experience and thoughts. hope that it could help you in your route to recovery. i always believe:

hatred is a form of self-torture and forgiveness is one of the way that leads to recovery.

i wish you stay strong always.

miyoko said...

by the way, mich, i did read all your posts in your blog. and it really is sweet and nice but i hope those sweet memories you had with Rogers will remain as sweet memories. dont let it turn into a bitter one. all the best, and stay strong.


edmund83 said...

Edmund sounds familiar to u eh...
actually, we've met b4 in SGC but i dun think u'll know me... I knew 'him' as well... u know who i mean..
i'm from 4th KL. ; )

hope ur fine ya...

michsue said...

mengz, i got the prayer from a friend... =)

thanks for sharing ur story with me, miyoko... it's nice to know that i'm not alone... i'm trying to be strong and the process of healing has already begun but it takes time... and i do know that hating him does me no good... it only makes me a bitter person... =/ i dunno what God has planned for me but i know He only wants the best for me... so now, all i hafta do is be patient and abide in Him... and my life can never go wrong... ;) God bless u...

edmund!!! i just checked u out on friendster... hahaha... and YES, i do rmb u... u're one of the BB boys... i usta see u in church... =) i haf a good memory, okie... i'm sure u rmb me as kenneth and kelvin's lil sis, right?

Shea Speare said...

Love so complicated loh....

Am i right?!

Is he your first?

Shea Speare said...

Eh...sorry. I just run through your previous post.

Hehehe. Well, i guess what you stated there is almost like how my ex-gf told me that.

Yes, we both are almost in the similiar situation like yours but i guess that's how it is. But still i managed to be good friend with her. Depend on how the guy think loh.

Narrow minded >> treat you as a stranger

Open minded >> continue to be friend

My long, long ex all they treated me so cool man. Depressed....

Another Fellow Ox said...

Some thoughts for the day:

Try not to see the broken heart;
Rather feel a heart that is learning to love more and better.

Try not to stay in sadness,
Rather walk thru gateways leading to new beginnings.

Good to see that you are coping well.

"Happy Independence Day!"
- in more ways than one. Cheers!

andy borchettu said...


lembu, nothing to be happy about merdeka. this country is already too fucked up. monkeys running the country, turning it into a joke.

Penangie said...

Hmm, i guess u have been loaded with loads of advice and support so i will just add mine.

You need to learn to let go of Roger and move on. With so much support from family and friends, you will no doubt emerged from this a better person.

Another Fellow Ox said...


There are some agreements on the way the country is being liberalised and managed... but we'll leave it for another venue to debate about it....

But the independence wishes to Michelle was beyond Malaysia's Independence... I actually meant it to be a day for self liberation and have emotional independence.


a sad malaysian said...

I beg to differ. This country is not on the brink of liberalisation as far as I'm concerned, islamization is the appropriate word for this. Relationship between races are more divided than ever. While Pak Lah is preaching his rhetoric racial unity speech on the national day, there we have his infamous son in law trying to play racial tactics to gain popularity and we also have another keris wielding politician reaffirming their ketuanan melayu status. So do not blame us for not waving the jalur gemilang.

Anonymous said...

hello, i'm in the process of a break-up. it hasn't actually happened but this relationship has been ending the last few months. i know how you feel; i moved countries, accepted a very low-end job just to be with him. i practically lived for him , gave him everything including yes, my virginity because i was so sure we would get married. he told me we would but fast forward 1+ years later, he tells me he doesn't love me anymore.

i don't really know what to do at this point. i will probably hate him for a while. there is nothing wrong with hating an ex for a while, i believe it helps with the recovery process. it's part of it. and when you stop saying what an arse he is, that's when you know you've recovered.

This is my very first relationship and I'm quite devastated but I believe I'll eventually recover.

edmund83 said...

hahaha... u found me...
u realli got a good memory eh..
dunno each other but stil rmb who m i... hahaha...
yep, i'm an ex-bb officer...
of cos, i do rmb u as Kenneth n Kelvin's lil sis. ;)

cya n take care...