Sunday, December 10, 2006

I'm Hurt But I Refuse To Cry

I'm often misunderstood. Ppl think they know me but they really dun. They often forget that I'm more than meets the eye. Many ppl know all ABOUT me but they dun really know ME. As in, the REAL me.

I'm extremely disappointed with some of the most important ppl in my life. It's weird that ppl that you care most about are the ones who disappoint you the most at times.

I can't say that I've never taken anyone for granted before but as far as I remember, I've never taken any of my best friends for granted; at least, not in the past year or so. I had gone the extra mile for them when they were in need; I sacrificed my time, sleep and energy just to stay up and talk to them when they were having sleepless nights (due to relationship probs and such), not to mention that I'm almost always the one planning gatherings and reunions. I really love and cherish them cuz they're among the most important ppl in my life. I thought they knew that. Perhaps I didn't do enough to show how much I really love and care about them. But I do hope they know I'll always be grateful to them for helping to locate me during the time I was abducted in August.

I dun understand why they leave comments in each other's blogs (and tagboards) but not mine. I'm not saying that they HAVE TO leave comments in ALL my blog posts. I'm referring to the posts that are relevant to them. What happened when I blogged about how sad I was over some stuff? No reply. What happened when some other bhander (it ain't a bad word; it's an affectionate name for them) blogged about her feelings? 5-6 comments the next day. I dun think they hate me or anything. I just feel that I'm being taken for granted.

I really want them to come for my streetdancing gigs near Lot 10 (in front of Piccolo Mondo) on December 23rd. If they can't make it for that one, I sure hope they can make it for my Christmas presentation at SLS (in Damansara Intan). I dunno if any of them are coming cuz they never asked me anything about my gigs (altho my debut performance was a week ago in SLS). If wanting my best friends to be a lil' more supportive during this festive season is ANNOYING, I rest my case.

I mean, c'mon... what's Christmas all about? No, it's not about the Christmas lights, or the music, or Santa Claus, or any worldly goods. It's not about rushing around buying last minute presents, or rushing to get your Christmas tree put up. Christmas is really about being with your family and friends, being thankful, and celebrating Jesus' birth and all that He did for us.

Where's your Christmas spirit?


ravel said...

Hi Mich
Just wanted to say someone always cares, it doesn't matter if it is not shown but it is in the heart, maybe for some people they don't know how to or they just feel they don't need to because they know within themselves they do care and cherish you. I wish i could come for your gigs, eh but i am miles away..
You know i think of Jesus at the last passover, he said I have desired to take this cup with you. He knew what was going to happen, the suffering and shame but you know what the disciples did. This were the 12 people he spent time and loved and cared for.
At that time all they could think of is themselves and they started arguing who is going to be the greatest in the kingdom. So typical human. How nice if they had the insight of the lady who showered Jesus with love with the expensive perfume.
One thing i have learnt is don't expect anything when you help people. I know i struggle with saying that too. But we show care and love because Christ lives within us and HE first showed love to us even when we did not know him. Humanity will always let us down, that is just a matter of fact. So when we do something we do it because the love of Christ comples us , we do it because GOD loves everyone and HE has put that love in us, which makes us love Everyone.
Jesus loves you and cares for you much more than anyone in this world and HIS Love Satifies our Deepest Needs. Mich there are many Christians friends who care and love you ,you know because they took that effort in August.
GOD bless you Mich, i don't know you personally but by reading your blogs i know you are one really neat girl and special girl.

blur cow said...

=[ if we bhander ever took you for granted, im so sorry!!! cry123
but anyway im trying to make it for the 23rd wan...cos 25th sure busy wan

michsue said...

thank u, ravel, for reminding me that... =) what happened lately between my friends and i cud be a form of spiritual attack... *shrugs* im not gonna allow da devil to break my spirit! just yesterday, the church leaders had confirmed with me that i was gonna serve as a worship leader next year as well as a youth leader... and then later in the evening, something else happened and it nearly crushed me... *sighs* but thank God i realized very quickly that it was da work of da devil so i decided to resolve the issue calmly instead... =/ anywayz, r u a bro/sis in Christ? ;P where do u hail from?

jas, it's okie la... i still love y'all very much... *hugz* i already apologized to julz for being harsh. i do haf my points too but then this is not bout winning an argument. as long as she and i haf come to an understanding, thats wat really matters. if this was bout winning or losing to determine who's right or wrong, i wud rather lose this argument than to lose a friend cuz her friendship means more. see u guys soon, aight... cheers!

Suit Lin said...

you know the first sentence i told ya last night?

there is a a second line.

...and it is thro these dissappointments that the love shared is tested, and we learn to truly love each other more.

:) take care girl.

michsue said...

thanks, sweetie... or rather, suity... hehehe... ;P u haf been a great inspiration... *hugz* see ya tmr!!!

ravel said...

Yes, i am a bro in Christ, was orginally from KL but live out of town now, have a great day...
Great news on your appointment.

Anonymous said...

oh get a life and go hug an african orphan.

michsue said...

ravel, what appointment?

anonymous, the next time u ask someone to get a life, perhaps u shud look into the mirror 1st and say it to the loser who stares back at u.

jojo said...

im an avid reader of ur blog michelle but i dont normally leave comments in ur blog. however, everytime i see anonymous pricks picking on u, i seriously beh tahan so i MUST say something to tell him/her off.

oy anon, seriously! its ironic that u told mich to get a life when u urself go and pick on a girl who is obviously a little down at the moment without revealing who u really r. and i bet you dont even know her personally cos if u do, u wont even say things like that to her. what did she do to u anyway? how pathetic can u be? u told her to get a life? i think it applies more to u lor.

nicklaus said...

michelle, remember the testimonial i wrote for u yesterday? i told u that more obstacles will come ur way now that u r a worship leader and a youth leader. pls dun let any negative comments bring you down, k? anonymous, you dun know michelle like we do. u have the cheek and nerve to tell her to "get a life" when u waltzed in here ANONYMOUSLY (obviously too cowardly to reveal who u really r), thinking that u know every single thing about michelle (which u obviously DUN). its clear that u r the type of person who has to put someone else down (especially a vulnerable girl like michelle)
to boost ur own ego. there is no room in this blog for u and ur stupidly huge ego. get lost, u pathetic loser.

ihateassholes said...

jojo and nicklaus you guys are too nice! anon fuck off!!!! i hate cowardly assholes like you!!! if you are sooooooooooo much better than her you wouldnt have left such a stupid comment!!!! she wasnt even bitching about anyone. she was expressing herself in her own blog and you judged her???? where the hell are your fucking brains??? if you know her well, you would know what type of person she is. she is an outspoken girl with a big heart. her friends love her. everybody loves her. she just happened to feel that some of her friends took her for granted. doesnt everyone feel that way sometimes? its wrong to express her own feelings in her own blog???? WTF??? rot in hell, asshole!!!

Pauline Yap said...


Julia said...

what happened was truly a misunderstanding. not pointing fingers at anyone. not taking u for granted definitely. did not mean to say that wanting us to be supportive at this time of the season is annoying. it's smthg else.

but in that case (cmg to ur dance), i cant promise anything now. once im back home, its hard for me to go out. n i hate it. ALOT.

of cos we know that u love us n care a lot. im grateful for that. as for the comment leaving thingy, the reason i dun really tag anymore is really bcos i dunno anyone who tags now (that u have more friends reading). i guess one by one stopped and eventually none of the bhanders tagged anymore till it was flooded by other ppl.

anyway, i should stop. will talk to u when u come online. im back at home now =) cheers

p/s: btw it wasnt abt winning the argument for me as well. js hope u'd understand the situation =) sry for my harsh words.

vic vic said...

we r definitely not taking u 4 granted, sue.. we r not ignoring ur announcement too.. if i'm very sure dat i'll b able to make to it to watch ur dance den i'll definitely tell u right away dat i'll b there..

i do visit ur blog fact, ur blog is d 1st blog dat i go to b4 d rest of d bhanders' blog.. i din tag on ur blog doesn't mean i dun care 4 u anymore.. as to why i din tag, i've got d same reason as julz.. things used to b more personal around here..

i'm sorry to make u feel dis way..

michsue said...

julz and vic, i understand ur points. i wasnt mad, just felt a lil' ignored. anywayz, so what if there r other ppl (besides da bhanders) who read my blog? they r all my friends la... they aint strangers... u dunno them cuz they r friends from my own church, friends from other churches, friends from my old church, friends that i met at youth camps, etc. so what if u dun actually know them? the tagboard functions as a platform/channel to leave a msg for ME, it's not a chatroom.

even if the entire world reads my blog and all 6 billion ppl in the world leave comments in my blog... so what? what matters to me is when my closest friends in the world leave a trail here. it's like, if all 6 billion ppl leave a trail here EXCEPT the bhanders, i wud still be unhappy. but if nobody leaves comments around here and ONLY my bhanders do that, im very happy ady... know what i mean?

im not trying to make it an issue la... it's silly to "fight" over this matter... im over it liao... i haf other things on my mind now... =P i was just a lil' lonely and i felt ignored when i needed my friends da most...

see y'all this sat!

vic vic said...

but we always use d tagboard as a chatroom ma..