Monday, September 3, 2007

*When Two Souls Collide, Their Worlds Are Changed Forever*

Our story was over before it began.

I'm so haunted by him.

Sometimes I laugh at a memory.

Sometimes a lone tear would trickle down my cheek... *sighs*

I just miss him, that's all.

These are the things that have been haunting me since I went to Poppy Garden and The Loft - Upstairs with him last Wednesday night:


- the time he visited me in the hospital
- the time we had cocktails in
Hartamas
- the time we went to pasar malam together in Ipoh
- the time we bought cheese cake ingredients together
- the unforgettable look on his face when I ambushed him with the bass guitar last December

- the annoying way he made fun of me
- the time I had dinner at his aunt's place
- the shy look he would gimme whenever I took a pic of him

- the mischievous way he talked about the crazy stuff he did back in his childhood days
- the cute way he looked when he was dipping strawberries in melted chocolate

- the way he looked when he played pool
- the way he looked when he was working out
- the adorable way he looked when he played the guitar

- the funny way he crooned when he was struggling to hit a high note on "Now & Forever"
- the way he would concentrate really hard on the road

- the way he would pout whenever I made fun of him
- the devious smile on his face whenever he took a pic of me


- the way he looked when he was asleep
- the way he looked in the morning
- the nerdy way he looked with his glasses

- the time we ate chicken liver, chicken feet and gizzards together
- the time I went to Genting Highlands with him
- the time I went to Cameron Highlands with him
- the serious look on his face when we played Uno
- the way he looked when he sucked the soya milk from the bottle

- the time he covered me with a blanket when I fell asleep in his living room
- the time he covered me with his sleeping bag when I was freezing in Genting Highlands
- the way he cringed at the mere suggestion that I wanted to drive his car
- the way he laughed at my jokes
- the way he looked when he was making my special cheese cake with me

- the way he looked when he watched funny clips on his PC
- the way he tried to speak in a phony British accent
- the way he looked at me when we shared our tiramisu together

- the way he let me slap his face playfully
- the time we listened to Lee Hom's CD together in his car
- the way he looked in his shades

- the way he teased me whenever I camwhored
- the way he looked and smelt after a shower

- the way we sang along to sappy love songs in his car
- the amused look on his face whenever he saw a bapok (a male to female transsexual)
- the look on his face when he talked about his fav Powerpuff Girls umbrella

- the look we exchanged when we shared an umbrella under the pouring rain
- the way he looked at me when I half-jokingly begged him to pour me a glass of Baileys, Chivas and JD
- the way he looked when he ate the strawberries we bought together
- the time we watched The Benchwarmers in the cinema
- the time we watched Talladega Nights in the cinema
- the nights we watched movies together at his house
- the time we watched funny clips together on his PC
- the times we listened to jazz music together in the morning and at night in his living room
- the times we walked around in shopping malls
- the time he overslept and I had to wake him up for church (we were almost late)
- the time we checked out beautiful hotels in Ipoh
- the look he usta gimme whenever he passed me the Caltex sticker to stick onto a redemption voucher (to redeem the Powerpuff Girls umbrella he had always wanted)
- the times he wiped his car's windscreen the wrong way
- the times he helped carry my bag for me
- the time we browsed thru books together (and laughing at certain chapters) at the Popular bookstore in Ipoh Parade

***

As I lie on my bed in the dark, listening to songs that remind me of him, tears stream down my lovelorn face.

When he calls me on my celly, "Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You" is played.

Whenever I miss his voice, I would watch the video of his singing "Now & Forever" on my celly. He sang that song on his guitar last October at his place.

After bawling my eyes out for a good 2 hours, I switch on the lights.

I wrap my arms around my legs and rest my chin on my knees, staring at the candles he gave me.

The last song on the CD ends.

I turn off the lights again, unable to withstand the memories that come flooding back.


I lie there in the dark, trying to drown out the deafening silence which slowly envelopes me.

I hate the silence.

I hate his silence.



What I Hate About Him

I hate his constant inability to express his feelings and emotions.

I hate the way he talks to me.

I hate the way he styles his hair.

I hate the way he drives his car.

I hate it when he stares.

I hate the cute way he grins.

I hate the way he reads my mind.

I hate it when he makes me laugh, even worse when he makes me cry.

I hate that he's not around, and the fact that he didn't call.

And mostly I hate the way I don't hate him,
Not even close,
Not even a little bit,
Not even at all.

But do I still *heart* him?

Phantom feelings.

Like... when you lose a leg and try to scratch it.

He was my gangrene infected, amputated limb.


Our Story

[EPISODE 1]: CLICK HERE ~ Thanks, Dan! ;D

[EPISODE 2]: CLICK HERE ~
Runaway Vacation + The Benchwarmers


[EPISODE 3]: CLICK HERE ~
What REALLY Happened...


[EPISODE 4]: CLICK HERE ~
*Riding In Cars With Boys Equals A Crazy Night Out*


[EPISODE 5]: CLICK HERE ~
*Riding In Cars With Boys: The Sequel*


[EPISODE 6]: CLICK HERE ~
Time Flies When You're Having Fun... ='(


[EPISODE 7]: CLICK HERE ~
Mission #2 [UPDATED]


[FINALE]: CLICK HERE ~
At this moment...

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

mere random thoughts? or a personal attack directed at daniel? :p i hope he will reply. would love to see some drama lol!

michsue said...

he will never ever reply la... sorry to disappoint u... if he cherished this friendship, he would have said something way earlier... he sorta led me on and in the end, i had to find out from somebody else bout his feelings... he hurt me deeply man... and he didnt even bother to resolve the issues between us... *sighs* i'm so disappointed! as far as i'm concerned, this friendship is over and if we never speak again for the rest of our lives, that wud be fine! that's exactly what i told him, btw... anyone in his shoes wud do something to save this friendship but noooooo... he didnt care that i was hurt so that means he doesnt care bout me... =( i'm the dumbest girl alive for literally starving myself just to buy him a bass guitar... slap me, pls... ='(

Wendy Lee said...

ah jie,i'll pray for you.Well,if God gives me the opportunity to speak to ding,I'll say something coz i really pray for that.Samo,this situation can't linger any longer.:DFor a mean time,you be strong,ok??My biggest hope is you and ding still can maintain the friendship like what i saw during your October trip.God Bless!Jie,jia you ohh!!heee...

michsue said...

thanks, dear... *hugz* i miss u... =( hope u're doing fine... pls behave, okie... hehehe...

aNgeLic JuLiA said...

when two souls collide, their worlds change but not necessarily...

thats what i thk. may happen to some ppl, it may not as well. i do admire ppl changing for their better halves. i do respect u for wht u have done. if he decides to do this, it's his loss. not that he shld be forced into accepting u but he should noe where he was leading u.

anyway, u've done enough and u know that. going thru all these pain is unbearable, i noe ;)

btw, u still owe me a full story :P

michsue said...

i believe when 2 ppl cross paths, they influence each other in some ways... whether it's good or bad... whether they're friends or lovers... =) he shud haf told me way earlier whether or not i had a chance with him ... until now, i dunno for certain, actually... but i feel that if he cherished me as a friend, he wudnt keep me waiting for his answer for so long... =/ i'll tell u da whole story when i see u but u can actually get bits and pieces of the story from this blog la... hehehe... and what i commented... =P btw, pls dun think so much bout what happened between u and u-know-who, k... give urself some time to be friends with him again... u haf us, girl... we got ur back! ;D

vic vic said...

r'ships r juz so fragile..

michsue said...

yeah man... i'm scared to fall in love ady... =/

Julia said...

influence, yea i agree. but not totally changed eheh geez stupid me. stop thkg edy la. bodo.

tx girl :)

michsue said...

well, everyone in our lives do influence us in one way or another... imagine if u never knew vicky, ur life wud be diff... u wudnt be as perverted as u r now... hahahaha!!! and if u never knew me, u prolly wont be as lame as u r now oso... see my point? kekeke!!! why u so unfortunate wan... meet ppl like us... wahahahaha!!!

vic vic said...

what perverted??? u r d president of the pervert club...

michsue said...

kakakaka!!! *bluek* i was da prez but u were da founder... ;P

Anonymous said...

some guys just do not know how to handle issues like this. don't think too much bout it for now. give yourself a break and leave it in God's hands ok? hope you feel better soon. I kinda understand cos recently i went thru something almost like this.

Anonymous said...

I went thru this 2 years ago. At the moment we only communicate thru email. No phone call. aiiiiii.......Now I'm ok and live better than him.

michsue said...

him as in daniel? or u were referring to ur ex bf? =P

Anonymous said...

I refer my ex b/f. Daniel looks like my colleague. Show him Daniel's pic yesterday when I read ur blog. He said he is more handsome, cheyyyyy.......hahahaha.....thick face.

jam said...

每个人都有他自己的难处。